What is the difference between girls age..?

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What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

History of the Middle Finger...

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Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and I feel compelled
to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel
edified.

Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

                                            _

                                         /'_-/)

                                      ,/_  /

                                     /    /

                                /'_'/'   '/'__'/','/'

                           / '/    /    /    /  / _

                           ('(    '    '     _     

                                                   |

                                               '    /

                                             _./'





Giving the Finger

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory
over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured
English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to
draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable
of fighting in the future.

This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act
of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew").

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and
began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated
French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!"

"PLUCK YEW!"

Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant
cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words
often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the
longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."
And yew thought yew knew everything.

Marketing Concepts

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Professor at a University was explaining Marketing Concepts:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich.Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and
say "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard
slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
And she introduces you to her husband
That's Demand and supply gap.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
she turns her face towards you ------------

she is your wife !
That's competition eating into your market share.

Words Inside Our Heart

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It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.

My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother. I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days. The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend. It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.

Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room.

After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,

XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD. ;)

(This was sent by a friend: Often times, we find ourselves looking back over the years we have spent and we find ourselves missing those times. Actually NOW has always been the best time for change)

Charles Schultz's Philosophy

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read this recently thought nice one to share...

PostItem Starts Here following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip.
You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mailstraight through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)

It's all in the asking...

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a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?".

The survey was a huge failure. Here's why:

In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the US, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Missed Opportunities..

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The story is told of a young man who wished to marry the farmer's
beautiful daughter. He went to the farmer to ask his permission.
The farmer looked him over and responded, "Son, go stand out
in that field and I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time.
If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls,
you can marry my daughter."

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull.
The barn door opened and out ran the biggest,
meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that
one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one,
so he ran over to the side and let the bull pass through the
pasture out the back gate.

The barn door opened again. Unbelievable. He had never seen
anything so big and fierce in his life. It stood - pawing the ground,
grunting, slinging slobber - as it eyed him. Whatever the next
bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one.
He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the pasture, out the back gate.

The door opened a third time. A smile came across his face.
This was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen.
This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned
himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment.
He grabbed... but the bull had no tail!

in simple words - Life is full of opportunities.
Some will be easy to take advantage of, some will be difficult.
But once we let them pass (often in hopes of something better),
those opportunities may never again be available.

Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it
to beckon us with beepers and billboards. Jumping at several small
opportunities may get us there more quickly than
waiting for one big one to come along.

"Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending."

Miracles... possible..?

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Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for the doctor bills and our house. Only a very costly surgery could save him now and it was looking like there was no-one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now."

Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big Red Indian Chief sign above the door. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good.

Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."

"I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist.

"His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"

"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little. "Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does you brother need?"

"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. "I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."

"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago. "One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.

"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents - the exact price of a miracle for little brothers." He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said, "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specialising in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

"That surgery," her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost... one dollar and eleven cents ...... plus the faith of a little child.

Source of this story: http://www.ebrew.com/Jess/inspirational/the_price_of_a_miracle.htm

kept wondering is this true? if so, how lucky that family is..!.
Nature keeps challenging our Faith. One who has courage to stand the challenge gets through not by some unimaginable miracles but by Courage to be sincer to the Faith.

Its every much possible to believe in miracles when we are little kids.. can you do that now, when we are older..!?

kept wondering...

If ABCD = American Born Confused Desi ..then ...

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If ABCD = "American Born Confused Desi" then...

But how about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ?

It is : American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lots of Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.

Now that's coolll.. right..!??..

2004 US elections

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Just after 2004 US elections... results gave birth to this website - http://sorryeverybody.com

Gujarati

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There was once a Gujarati, owning a shop, living in USA called Navneetbhai Patel, who was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him.. I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash. "Car crash! My Mercedes! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically."Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries- you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically. "I lost my arm? My Rolex Watch! My Rolex Watch!" "Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you." He asked for his family to be called in.

As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name.

"Alpa, are you here?" "I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Diness, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
Krupa are u here? "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Kalpess, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave yuu."
"Kamless, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Paress, my child, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you."
"Well" said Navneet Bhai thoughtfully, "Alpa,krupa,Diness, Kalpess, Paress and Kamless are here.....if all of you are here, THEN

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THEN WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP!!!!!????"

Gone are the days........but not the memories

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Gone are the days

When the school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches.

Gone are the days
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes.

Gone are the days
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet
Managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.

Gone are the days
When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals,
And returned to the classrooms drenched in sweat.

Gone are the days
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,
Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds.

Gone are the days
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table, Was awaited more
eagerly than the monsoons.

Gone are the days
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy.

Gone are the days
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks.

Gone are the days
When few rushed at 5:30 to
"Conquer" window seats in our School bus.

Gone are the days
Of Sports Day, and the annual School Day,
And the one-month long preparations for them.

Gone are the days
Of the stressful Quarterly, Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
And the most enjoyed holidays after them.

Gone are the days
We learnt, we enjoyed, we played, we won, we lost, We laughed, we cried,
we fought, we thought.

Gone are the days
With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more.

Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and
Ever and ever and Ever.

I hope you went back to your Golden Olden days..........

For a while..........as I DID!!

Night-Outs

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One of my friend fwded this mail .. I don't know who is the author of this.. But it is nice. Even though it is big, worth reading this in your spare time.

My Night-Outs
My feet were getting numb. My arms were getting tired. But I sat there, looking at the monitor, pretending to work. What if I slept off on the keyboard? What would people around me think? Am I not competitive enough. Would another night out hurt. "No it won't." I consoled myself. "Work a little more." I told myself.

Images of links between tables and pages from what we call, ETRMs crossed my mind. "Why?" I asked myself. "Why doesn't my mind wander away to the more beautiful things in life?" "Why does it always have to be WORK!!!?"

That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I pressed the shutdown button on the PC as if to say, "I hate you". As if in reply, it took me twice to shut it down. I kicked my locker and walked out of my cubicle. The security at the reception looked into my eyes sympathetically. I pretended like I am solving problems in my head. As if the world depended on my silly program. As if to justify the fact that the Security needs to respect me. I hated myself. I walked down the corridor towards the lift.

There I was, on the fifth floor. It was 3.30 in the morning. The terrace looked deserted. I loved the feeling. I was all alone. Just me, and the sky and the stars and the early morning breeze. I looked all around. The world looked much beautiful. Somewhere, far away, I could see lights. I presume that must have been another workplace where people like me are working away at their PCs.

I stood at the edge of the terrace. As I looked at the road that ran in front of our office, I slowly kept my palm on the wall. A chill ran down my spine. Tiny droplets of water had formed on the wall, which I touched. I wanted to feel it again. I touched it again. It was the most wonderful feeling. I wondered why I don't do these things often.

I decided to stay there till sunrise. I closed my eyes and waited. Finally, I could see a faint light in the east. Even though we hardly notice, these things do happen. Like sunrise and stuff. I saw the sun rise. As he rose I could see more and more buildings like ours. The breeze had got much stronger. It was like sitting near the window seat of a bus that was moving through some lonely road near a lush paddy field. I got that taste in the air. I got the feel. It was like heaven had met earth.

"No" I said. "I am NOT going back there again." I ran down the stairs. I wanted the glass that covers our reception to break and let some of this air in. I rushed into my cubicle and got my bag and stuff. Running out, I did not bother to sign the register. Strangely, my vehicle started with just one kick. I rode my bike quite fast, just to feel the air on my face.

When I reached the road, I realized that I was late. Considering the fact that I was in office since yesterday, I was really really late. The world had moved on. People had spent another night with their families. Kids had spent another day studying for exams. Old folks had spent another night wondering when to dye their hair. Teenagers had spent another night dreaming about their loved ones.

There I was, like a machine coming out of my office building. I saw people taking their morning walks. Some of them jogging. Some of them standing and talking. Some old aunties jogging and talking and laughing, all at the same time. There were newspaper-boys, milk-vendors and what not.

I started feeling out of place. "Was I from another planet or something?" I thought. I was dreaming I guess, a milk-vendor chap on his bicycle nearly hit my bike. "Idiot" I said. Didn't he know I am going home after a tough day? Didn't he know that I am tired, and do not have the energy for such crap? "Wait a minute," I told myself. "Are you doing somebody a favor by staying in the office so long?" "Will this world be a better place if you do that?" "Do you have it in you to buy one meal for that milk-vendor's family?"

YOU CAN'T!!! And that's the truth. You can't do anything except writing pieces of code, which you regard as full of life for reasons known best to you.

I broke into tears thinking about my own plight. I hated the fact that I existed. Why was I going through this entire trauma? What was holding me here? The money?. The passion to program?. The feeling that I would be isolated if I didn't work?. I don't know. I am still searching for the answers.

Then, suddenly out of nowhere, images of my family came into my mind. My dad, who had taken care of the family since I remember him. In fact, since I remember anything. My mom who would not have slept even a little bit, since I have not reached home. And my brother, who doesn't actually show it, but misses me when he doesn't see me. "I am not alone" I shouted. "I have this beautiful world to live in, with beautiful people in it"

Friends, do go out sometimes. Share your life with the people you love the most. Share your life with the nature. Share it with the wind. Share it with the sun. Share it with the rain. Things much much more important than programming is happening out there. But it won't come for you, you have to go out and find it .